Here's the thing--I don't really make salsa. Making salsa is falls under "cooking". I bake. I don't cook.
But there's that turning over a new healthy leaf thing, so when I felt the urge to turn my kitchen into a a Roaring Mom version of the Keebler Elves Treehouse workshop, I stopped myself. I've been doing pretty good on this health kick thing. It's all about breaking old bad habits and replacing them with new healthy ones.
I pulled out my Fixate (21 Day Fix Approved) Cookbook and searched for a healthy replacement. I've actually always wanted to find a good homemade salsa recipe because we go through the stuff here like it's water.
There are 2 steps in this recipe:
1. Combine jalapeno, tomatoes, and salt in a bowl and mix well.
2. Add garlic, onion and cilantro and mix well.
YES! Even I can do that...but wait!
The ingredients list says roasted jalapeno. How the heck does one roast a jalapeno? I roast a roast in a crock pot. I'm not much of a chef, but even I know that won't work. So I Google it.
Apparently I need gloves to handle the jalapeno. I don't have jalapeno-handling gloves. Hmm... A plastic bag will work, right?
It is gonna have to. I am not going to the store (for probably the third time that day) just for jalapeno-handling gloves.
So back to this jalapeno roasting thing. First, I have to cut the peppers (while carefully holding them with my plastic bag). Then I have to take out the seeds. Seeds are tricky little boogers to pick out with a shopping bag on your hand. Next I place them in the oven on a broiler pan. (I may or may not have Googled what a broiler pan is.) Guess what? I do, in fact, have a broiler pan. Who knew, right?!
Who knew, also, that the peppers still aren't ready for salsa inclusion after they are broiled...er...uh...roasted...whatever...and cooled? They also must be peeled. How does one peel a roasted, broiled, blackened, jalapeno?
Google was busy that night.
Place the jalapenos in a sealed paper bag for fifteen minutes and the skins should peel right off. Only, I don't have paper bags. I have only plastic. You know, in case I have to handle jalapenos. I can also place the peppers on a plate and cover them with a bowl.
Meanwhile, I have some cilantro to chop. I'm not exactly sure cilantro can be chopped. It's wet and sticks to your hands and kind of tears or smashes. It doesn't really chop. I remove the bag/glove and tear the cilantro. Done.
Eventually, everything else is chopped, too--even the roasted, broasted, broiled, steamed, peeled jalapenos.
But wait! There is a recipe "tip"! I could have just pulverized it all in a blender for a less chunky version.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have to try it. I like less chunky salsa. And I've come this far, anyway.
Well, it smelled great, but resembled a bowl of vomit.
Luckily, I had saved back a bit of the colorful, chunky, guilt-free, homemade, 21 Day Fix approved salsa. It tastes like accomplishment...and jalapenos!