It Was a Dud!

I refuse to spend one penny on stuff to blow up! Call me an Independence Day Scrooge, but I just won't do it. It makes absolutely no sense to spend money on something that has the potential to blow my child's hand off, turns my alien beast dog into a crazed barking machine, and raises my blood pressure. So this year I set out to have a Quiet Independence Day.

It started out as just the most lovely day. Our neighborhood hosted its annual parade. It was a fun little five minutes. The parade is filled with big kids on riding lawn mowers, small kids on bicycles, toddlers in wagons and puppies on leashes. Everything is decked out in patriotic ribbons, banners, and balloons. The highlight of the parade--Popsicles!! They are distributed at the end to all the participants, which makes the paraders ride even faster, so, yeah, the parade lasts about 5 minutes. I missed it one year because I went into the garage to find a lawn chair. By the time I emerged, the only things I saw on the street outside my house were few overlooked Tootsie Rolls thrown from a John Deer and some Shih Tzu droppings.

So far, so good. I had smiled through the first few minutes of my Quiet Independence Day! Then I watched some war movies, enjoyed the televised musical 1776 and...that's it.

Huh. Wow. I had set out to have a quiet celebration and I had succeeded. It was a Roaring Mom first! Not much of what I set out to do ever goes as planned, especially celebrations! Immediately I thought of Sophie's 10th birthday party at the park that had ended up with little girls covered in sticker burrs, being chased by bees. Then there was Frank's party with the Pirates of the Caribbean treasure chest pinata. It was pouring down rain, so the chest was placed on the family room for and all the little "pirates" took turns pounding it with their plastic swords. There was the time I burned my fingertips off cooking a Christmas ham and the Easter we found a few of last year's eggs in the back yard. And those were just the tip of the iceberg disasters!

This year had gone just as planned and you know what...it was boring! Where was the excitement, the noise, the celebration? Without fireworks, July 4th was just another insignificant, boring, lazy day! As a proud American, I failed! Our forefathers deserve more! America deserves more! I deserve more! By sitting on my butt and refusing to participate, my July 4th was a far worse disaster than a soggy pinata or bumble bee-infested birthday cake.

Fireworks don't make America great, but our traditions do. Wrecked plans make memories and quiet is dull. Never again will I miss out on the Crash! Bam! Boom! (or even the 5 minute parade) of celebrating our independence and our great nation! In fact, our Independence should be celebrated every day. It's true that freedom isn't free. Independence isn't accidental. So light a firework, fly a flag, raise a glass...vote! Even if it raises your blood pressure!

How did you spend your Independence Day? I hope you made a great big, loud, messy memory!

From last year's parade when I wasn't sitting on my butt doing nothing.

Let There Be Light!

Let there be light!

Okay, so apparently my God complex needs a little work. No matter how many times I command it, nothing happens.

Up and down the block, gorgeous, festive Christmas lights adorn garland trimmed houses. And then there is my humble abode.

Several years ago when there was still a husband and money to pay someone to hang the darn things, there was light! (You thought I was going to say a husband to hang them? Hmmm...not so much. But the professionals he paid did a good job.) In my attic I still have the boxes and boxes and boxes of strands and strands and strands of bulbs. The little clips to help making hanging easier are even still attached. Awesome. No problem. I can do this.

First, however, I have to borrow a ladder. That went with the husband. So I call my wonderful neighbor who frequently takes pity on me. Then I need need a detangler. I call my wonderful son who also frequently takes pity on me. Neighbor provides the ladder. Son detangles the strands and makes sure they work. And he also reminds me of how I threw a big 3-year-old fit and stomped to death the strand that wouldn't light for me last year right there on the front porch for everyone to see. He shakes his head, still embarrassed. I straighten up and announce that it is moments like those, when witnessed by pitying neighbors, that help us obtain things like ladders. He doesn't get it.

So I'm up on the ladder, still having to reach on tip-toe having my son hand me clips and keep the light cord from wrapping itself around the ladder or me or the landscaping. He's a good little helper. Every few feet, we have to move the ladder. We get to the overgrown Rose-of- Sharon bush at the corner of the garage--the one that has harassed everyone for the last 6 months by extending its branches and grabbing hold of any person who dared try to use the sidewalk leading up to the house. Its a very territorial shrub. The ladder can't reach the garage. Rose-of-Sharon forbids it. I call my quite, yet secretly cunning and vengeful daughter. I hand her the pruning shears. She smiles!

In a mere 2 hours we finish our Christmas lighting project. My son and I have successfully strung two strands of lights across the sides and front of the garage. It's the only part of the roof low enough for us to reach, even with the ladder. We are very proud. There is light!

For 3 days.

Not sure what happened. Maybe its karma for the violent slaughtering of Rose-of-Sharon.

I have to laugh. I HAVE to! In such a short time I've gone from a professional holiday gala illuminating the night, complete with a giant nativity scene, shining candy canes lining the path, perfectly placed colorful bulbs blinking a Merry Christmas greeting to two burnt out strand of twinkle lights and a butchered bush. No wonder my neighbors take pity on me.

But I am laughing, which means I'm smiling. And that's the point of it after all, isn't it.

And if you are reading this and it brings to mind your own holiday disaster, please post it here so we know we aren't alone!

Merry Christmas!

--D