Perseverence

Yes, it's been a while since my last post. That's because I've been busy...swimming in my pool! Can you believe it? It's finally up and filled and has stayed that way...so far anyway.

How did we do it? Two Steps: Determination and Perseverance.

Of course, while Frank and I shovelled more rock in the 100 degree, scorching sun, we both complained and whined and griped and wondered if the work was even worth it. Like a good mom, I encouraged him and said the pool would be even more fun because of what we had to go through to set it up. Not sure he bought it. Even after splashing around in our little oasis and repeatedly dunking his sister, I'm still not sure he bought it.

While I was floating on my back, enjoying the beautiful summer sky two nights ago, I wondered if (like over achieving) determination and perseverance is passed down through our genes. If so, my quiet and calculating daughter received and overabundance of them. Once, when she was about 5 or 6, we were swimming at the Y. She wanted to go down the indoor slide.

Lifeguard: "I'm sorry. You have to be able to swim all the way across the deep end and back to be able to go down the slide."

QC: "I can."

Lifeguard: Smiling sweetly. "I don't think so. I'm sorry."

So my daughter, who had never swum more than about 5 feet on her own jumped in the deep end and swam all the way across and back. She pulls herself out of the pool, plants her hands on her hips and glares at the lifeguard. "Can I go down the slide now?"

The same daughter loves to help me bake. When she was a toddler, I put her in charge of dumping. Whenever an ingredient needed to be added, it was her job to dump it in. We made a good team in the kitchen and it was usually a lot of fun. Except when it came to making chocolate chip cookies. She wouldn't "dump" the chips. She added them to the dough one by one. It made me nuts! But she liked the single chip method and no amount of cajoling, coercing, threatening, or begging would change her way of doing things.

It's makes us crazy, doesn't it, when kids set out to get what they want? It's funny when Family Guy's Stewie starts his "Mom. Mama. Mom. Mommy. Mom..." It's funny because we've ALL heard it. Or how about the Simspons "Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No." The kids KNOW they are driving us crazy and yet the persevere because they also know that eventually they will get what they want, right?

So what happens? Why, as adult women, is it so hard for some of us to ask for what we want? And to persevere until we get it? Studies show that women are less likely to ask for raises or promotions. We're less likely to enter a job interview and ask for the pay we really want right from the beginning.Why is it so difficult for some adult women to open their mouths and say, "This is what I want and I'm going to get it. I hope you support me, but if you don't I'm doing it anyway?" Is it because we don't feel we deserve it? Are we afraid we will seem pushy?

Even though it wasn't easy and it took a whole lot longer than 15 minutes, with determination and perseverance, I finally got my pool. Because I wanted it. I thought we deserved it. And I didn't want to disappoint my kids. But somehow, nearly passing out from blowing up the inflatable top, shoveling rocks for days in the blazing sun, dealing with the odorous swampy bog, filling and re-filling the water was a whole lot easier than finding that same determination outside the confines of my backyard. Hmmm...Maybe the lesson here wasn't for my son, but for me.

While we're enjoying the last days of summer, take some time to find your inner child. It might require you to spontaneously jump in the deep end. Or shovel some rock in the blazing sun. Or open your mouth and ask for what you really want. True, you might drive someone crazy. But in the end, when you are floating, peacefully gazing at the stars with a smile on your face, it will all be worth it! I promise!

About Those Overachievers...

First of all, I don't really like the term. Overachiever implies that someone has accomplished something that should be over and above her talent and skill level. I live with someone who could possibly be considered an Overachiever by some, but clearly she is working within her talent and skill level. She is brilliant and talented and organized and wonderful. Just wanted to make that clear.

I wondered early on if there wasn't some kind of gene mutation at work. She was still in grade school when it was discovered that she didn't like chocolate. Then, by fourth grade she was setting her own alarm in the morning and getting up without hitting snooze. By fifth, she was organizing her closet by outfits in order of the days she would wear them. In sixth grade when Sophie joined the track team and actually enjoyed running, I ordered the DNA test.

So last night she texts me from her dad's wanting to know if she can come by early the next morning to get her running shoes. I knew what this meant. Not only was she up studying for some test that wouldn't take place for a week or reading ahead in her Government text, she was planning on rising early on a Monday to...get ready for this...exercise!

Gasp! I know! And she's not even currently on a team, so she doesn't have to. It's just because she wants to.

The thing about living with overchievers is that they have this cheerful and oblivious way of making people like me either feel like a complete loser or want to be a better person. Since I'm making myself my own priority this year, I chose to want to be a better person. I offered to go with her to the gym. When that alarm rang at 5:00 this morning and I realized I had been up way past midnight folding the 90 tons of laundry my children seem to create on a weekly basis, I realized I may be a bit of an Overachiever myself. Because working out this early on so very little sleep is waaaayyyy past my talent and skill level.

Can I just say that I had no idea how many Overachievers work out at 5:00 on Monday mornings? It almost makes me want to go back tomorrow if only to see if they will all show up again. Almost. Sophie greets the brightly lit gym full of torture devices and sweaty bodies with her usual spirit. My eyes squint against the glare as I stumble for the vending machine. Surely I can face the reality of my situation better with something in my stomach. Next to the vending machine is a comfy chair and pile of magazines for people like me who need to ease into morning.

By the time I finish the ganola bar, read a couple articles and talk my legs into heading for the torture device, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. This isn't so bad. Think of how accomplished I will feel knowing my workout is done for the day rather than dealing with the guilty mantra that normally runs through my mind--"I should work out today. I should really work out today. I really need to work out today. "

I step up to the task, push the buttons for the weight loss program, enter my age, lie about my weight (does the machine know?) and start stepping. Three minutes later, Sophie appears, glistening and happy. "I'm done. Let's go, Mom!"

Really?

I'm seriously not cut out for Overachieving.

There are moments when my children make my feel as if I've done something right as a parent--even if that something is nothing more than passing along a genetic mutation.