Thursday, August 6, 2015

10 Reasons I'm Dreading Back to School

I want to be ready. I really do. But the answer is no on every single level. I am not ready for Back to School. I don't even feel like thinking about getting ready. All the television ads keep telling me I should be overjoyed to be send the kids back to school. There must be something wrong with me because I'm just not feeling it.

Top 10 Reasons I'm dreading Back to School:

10. We are not morning people. Even with a daily caffeine overdose, my brain doesn't work until at least 10:00 a.m.. During the school year, I'm out of bed a 5:30. Because I can't jump right out of bed like my mother who thought it was a great idea to start her children's day out blaring opera, I push snooze at least 5 times before I flop my lifeless body out from under the covers and slither to the shower like a dying snake. 5:30 a.m. in house full of night owls is ugly. Pure ugly.

9. Homework: Teachers assign too much of that crap. It's a ridiculously impossible mountain designed to produce panic attacks, fits of frustration, low self-esteem, temptation to cheat, and general FML pity parties. And that's just for the parents.

8. Lunch: The guilt associated with forgetting to load up the lunch account and hitting snooze so many times that you don't have time to pack a lunch and neither do they can drive a parent to drink.

7. Socks: From August to may, there is no such thing as a pair of matching socks. Is there anything that puts a nail in the coffin of your day before you even walk out the door like having to wear mismatched socks?

6. Math

5. Permission Slips: They are forever being lost in the black hole of the back pack. Is teaching your kids to forge your signature considered bad parenting?

4.Late Night Laundry:There must be an unwritten rule that whatever uniform or favorite jeans or spirit shirt my child needs for the next day won't be located until 10:30 at night in the bottom of a hamper.

3. Special Project Supplies: I guess it's not that big of a deal that I'm doing laundry in the middle of the night because I am probably going to have to run to Walmart anyway for the special sized poster board and e colored marker that no one told me they needed until after we located the favorite jeans in the bottom of the hamper.

2. Young Love: Teenage boys are cruel and teenage girls are crazy.

1. And the number 1 reason I'm dread Back To School this year--My youngest two have only two years left. I can't bear the thought of all of my babies leaving home. What on earth will I do at 10:30 on a Wednesday night with no socks to match, no uniform to wash, no markers to buy, no permission slips to sign, no heartbreak to mend, no homework to finish?

I can't believe it's almost over. It really did go by too fast.

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