Picture Imperfect

This blog has no pictures. Oh, you hadn't noticed? Take a look. Not a single picture.

There are two reasons for that. First, I haven't figured out how to do that quite yet. Second, even when I figure it out, I won't want to post any pictures of me.

I saw Bette Midler on Johnny Carson explain once that when she was first getting started in show business she actually sent someone else's head shot with her resume. Maybe she'd actually get the job if the casting director didn't know what she looked like. The Divine Miss M? Can you believe that?

It's a female curse. Maybe. Or could just be me. Have you ever experienced this--It's a good hair day. A great one, in fact. Make-up is cooperating, too. For once you aren't bloated like a Goodyear Blimp and you can, in fact, fit into your skinny jeans. You are even feeling confident enough to undo the next button on your blouse. So you smile brilliantly when you meet your girlfriends or family or whoever is your public for the evening and they snap the photo to preserve the picture perfect moment. Then, you see the picture. And, thanks to technology you can usually view it immediately so it can ruin your fantasy right away.

What happened? In your mirror, in your bedroom, in your home you looked fabulous. So maybe you should just stay in front of your mirror, in your bedroom, in your home because apparently the lighting everywhere else just ain't doing it for ya.

Well, that's been my experience in every picture-taking opportunity past the age of 21. And what's truly unfair, is that my best friend has just the opposite experience. If I can figure out how to do it, I'll post the picture she snapped with her cell phone at the spur of the moment while she was working her garage sale, for crying out loud. Do you know what I look like when I'm working a garage sale? No, you wouldn't because I WOULD NEVER ALLOW A CAMERA ANYWHERE CLOSE!

Sorry for yelling. Beautiful best friends are maddening.

The interesting thing is how this problem is interpreted by my children. The three girls completely get it. "Oh, Mom, You can't let anyone see that picture." Of course they are talking only about photos of me because none of them could take a bad picture. Which you could see for yourself if I could figure out how to post it. But my son gets very upset. "Mom, you are beautiful all the time!"

So was it wrong of me to tell him he was my favorite child of the moment the other day when I walked into school to pick him up and the first thing he said was, "Mom, you look really pretty today." Of course the quiet yet calculating daughter quickly added, "But I think you look gorgeous!"

Then they started fighting over how beautiful each of them thought I was. Fighting! Right there in front of the teacher and their classmates! Over me. And my beauty. I smiled. What a picture perfect moment.