I Got Out of Bed Today. Where's My Trophy?

You know what happens when you try to make everything the same? You end up looking for the lowest common denominator. You lower the bar of expectations so that everyone can reach it. And then everyone will feel accomplished and proud, right?

I remember when my daughter's middle school decided to do away with the Accelerated Reader (AR) Program. Let me explain exactly what this educational institution was throwing away. The AR program was a reading program where students would read books in their appropriate range and test over them. The books were given a point value and students earned points with each passing test score. The school volunteers had organized a "store" where students traded reading points for prizes such as games and books and T-shirts and movies and book marks and pizza coupons, etc. In addition, classes from each grade earned a monthly travelling trophy for most points earned as a class. Students could also save up points to attend bi-annual events like Water Day or Ice Cream Socials. But that's not all! Names of students who reached the 100 Point Club were displayed on the entry hall bulletin board.  Reading Enthusiasm was contagious and nearly every student caught the bug! Students recommended books to each other. They spent weekends reading. WEEKENDS! VOLUNTARILY! Competitive readers clamoured to be the first student in the 100 point club. Reading was a Big Ol' Deal!

Then, suddenly, the school announced that it would be phasing out the AR program. I immediately called the school to find out why. You'll never believe the answer. The administration told me that not every student was a good reader and it wasn't fair to slower readers to have to compete with more advanced readers. Seriously? Nevermind the fact that students were excited about reading. The emotional well-being and stability of slow readers was more important than encouraging the exploration of and the enthusiasm for books.

That was the same year they decided to do away with A and B sports teams, as well. Teams would now be divided evenly and everyone would get equal playing time. Nevermind the fact that these students were going to have to try out for high school teams the very next year. The emotional well-being and stability of children who will probably not even want to play ball in high school was more important than the training and success of students who might need basketball to pay their way through college in a few years.

When will educators, administrators, parents and other authority figures realize that thwarting healthy competition doesn't create the emotionally safe environment they seek. Don't get me wrong. "Everybody Plays" absolutely has it's place. My own children have been very happy in both competitive and non-competitive activities. The point is that they understand that the ultimate reward is a sense of accomplishment that is actually earned--no matter what the venue is.

We might have been created equal, but we weren't cloned. We aren't all the same. And thank God for that. Educational institutions, especially, should be the place to encourage accomplishment and reward success.

My guess is that some Whiny Mom got a hold of the school administration that year. Well, Whiny Mom, please get over yourself. Stop coddling your children emotionally. You are turning in them into entitled emotional cripples. Instead, help your child find something he has a passion for and encourage him to strive for excellence. Teach her to compete with herself and the meltdowns over Suzie's superior reading skills will stop. Create your own participation trophy, if you must. If you want to remain a lowest common denominator, find a way to feel comfortable there. Please, allow the rest of us to strive for exponential accomplishment and success.

*#@%!

Have you heard of the latest TV controversy? Little Asian girl with two gay dad parents speaks bleeped-out F-word!

I'm not kidding. That's the issue they are up in arms over now. Seriously. No, seriously.

So you must know that I am NOT a fan of childhood cursing. In fact, I fought diligently against the occurrence of it in my own home. I fought diligently...and lost. In fact, I'm still losing. Thanks to Kate.

Kate discovered the cruse word early. She also discovered the effect it had on her poor, saintly mother's virgin ears. Nothing could derail a good nag like Kate's well-timed cursing. Of course, it only derailed me onto a separate but equally emotional anti-curse word nag. For some reason, which I have yet to uncover, the anti-curse word tirade didn't bother Kate. In fact, it humored her. She found my consternation hilarious. And so did her younger siblings. None of them dared ever utter the mother-of-all-curse words, but Kate would more than utter. She would proudly proclaim. And they would giggle. Then, when they were a little older, they would laugh outright. Once they all started laughing outright, it was all over. Their belly laughs are more contagious than the stomach flu. No matter how I tried to resist, I would laugh, too.

I completely understand the mixed message I was sending. Believe me, I truly tried to refrain. But she's so damn funny! I mean...She's so stinking funny!

I had them convinced that although their stand-up comic sister might indulge in profanity for a laugh, Mom was above that. I'm pretty sure I had them convinced that not only did I not stoop to that level for laughter, I didn't go there for any reason and neither should they. A stubbed toe resulted in a bellowed, "Sugar!" A frustrated moment called for a teeth-clenched "Fudgesicles!"

Then it happened.

I was driving down Kellogg and talking to the Quiet and Calculating one on the phone. I was in the middle lane with big ol' trucks barreling down on either side of me. On the road in front of me was...something. I can't even remember now, but it was big and dangerous looking and there was no way around it. I prepared for impact, gripped the wheel with the one free hand and (in the words of my Grandma Nina, rest her soul) hollered, "Shit!"

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Just like that.

A few seconds later, I had driven right over whatever obstacle had so inopportunely scared the shit out of me. I was mortified and immediately began apologizing all over myself that my baby girl had to hear such language from her mother and did she forgive me and that was so wrong of me and...wait. What was that sound coming through the phone? Yep, this time the contagious belly laugh was all for me.

It's so true that they get it from us, isn't it? They get our good looks, our sense of humor, and sometimes even our bad habits. In no way do I condone toddler cursing. Teen cursing isn't so great, either. But of all the truly bad crap on TV, this might not be the issue to cry over. My guess is that her fathers will be as mortified as I was and try in numerous comical ways to place blame and then fix the problem--just like real life parents.


You know I remember when the big issue with Modern Family would not have been the fact that the little Asian girl cursed, but that her two gay dads were...well, two gay dads. Thank goodness the viewing public got over that condescention. I'm pretty sure--if we all work really f*%#ing hard--we can get past this issue, too.