I Was Right!

I knew I was right! Ok, it doesn't happen often, but this time I knew there was some validity to my opinion.

Kids need more spontaneous play time. And I have proof. In an LiveScience article about bullying, a child behavior expert agrees with me. (Child behavior expert? Ha! Isn't that just a fancy word for "mother"?)Anyway, this expert claims:

"...the social skills children gain on the playground or elsewhere could show up later in life...Unstructured playtime — that is, when children interact without the guidance of an authority figure — is when children experiment with the relationship styles they will have as adults."

Yes! Scientific proof! This is the first time I've ever been backed up by scientific proof! I think I'm gonna have a t-shirt made. And maybe bumper stickers. I WAS RIGHT. AND EVEN THE SCIENTISTS AGREE WITH ME.

So there you go, all you hovering helicopter moms and you control freak grade school playground monitors. Leave the kids alone and let them play.

This scientific revelation also brings us back to the question of organized youth sports. Are we doing our kids a disservice by sticking them in these programs from an early age? I remember hearing, when I was a kid, about how Nadia Comaneci was forced down the gymnastics path from the womb, practically. I remembering hearing how those other countries took their young prodigies and forced them to focus on nothing but their chosen sport. I remember parents protesting that this was no life for a child. Now, I'm not saying we're as bad as the Romanians once were, but are we starting to slide down that slippery slope?

Studies show that common sports injuries that used to plague adult athletes are now being seen in teenagers. Dr. Phil recently produced a show about a man who injected his young son with steroids so the boy could compete at a higher level in speed skating. The dad is now in jail and is still pretty much unrepentant. Unfortunately, the boy is banned from an activity he has great passion for. Closer to home, even I know that my kids must play organized youth sports if they are to have even the remotest chance to experience the thrill and excitement of competing for their high school team.

So what's a roaring mom to do? Buck the system? Boycott the evil mind control that is organized youth sports? And in doing so prevent our children from the arguably worthwhile experience of high school athletic endeavors? Which, by the way, can be considered another important social skill-building experience. Or do we give in? If your child has a passion for a particular sport, do you even have a choice? Are we powerless against the tsunami that is organized youth sports?

After faithfully fulfilling almost a decade of soccer mom duties, I still don't know the answer. But at this point, I think I'm sucked in already. And with another decade ahead of me, I'm pretty sure I'll be washed away and pulled under before I figure it all out.

So,please, someone throw me a life line! I'm drowning here. You'll be able to spot me pretty easily. I'm the one in the brightly colored t-shirt with the big letters that read, "I WAS RIGHT!"

Punching Protocol

My son was punched on the playground today. I suppose if you are a boy and you spend enough time on a playground, you are going to get punched sooner or later. I suppose.

I have to admit I'm not really in-the-know about boys and playgrounds. Growing up I had no brothers, no male cousins nearby, no little boy neighbors. My only Grandpa was very old and sickly and my uncles lived far away. Although my dad was very present and influential during my childhood, he grew up with a single mom and two sisters. Which made him very, very good at going with the flow around a bunch of headstrong women. And so I'm clueless regarding punching protocol.

At home, I've handled it different ways. Sometimes I have actually told one kid that they could hit the other kid back--just as hard, but not harder. (And of course they follow this rule fairly!) This is usually after one child has gone through a hitting phase and I think repayment-in-kind is called for. Most of the time, however, I tell the kids not to retaliate because the second sinner is usually caught first.

So what do I tell a 10 year old boy who is equally fearful of getting in trouble for fighting at school and looking like a wimp in front of the guys? I told him he needed to learn to punch so that next time he could hit back. I immediately regretted saying that. I had just given my son permission to be the "second sinner." Contradicting yourself as a parent is really, really close to being hypocritical and if my son were just a couple years older, he would've called me on it.

I'm lucky enough to have a Manly Man Dad friend who willingly shares his guy wisdom with me. I learned I was half right. The trick, Manly Man Dad explained, is knowing when hitting back is the right thing to do. Good advice. Now, how do you know when is the right time? School, he agreed, probably isn't the right time or place to hit back. If it's one punch, walk away and tell someone. On the other hand, if you think it's gonna be a brawl, by all means, defend yourself.

What do you know, sometimes Man-speak actually makes sense. Guess I'll have to add that rule to my How to Raise a Boy Manual, which is quickly getting filled with pretty common sense stuff. Stuff that is much easier to explain, understand and practice than the How to Help Your Daughter Through Caddy, Petty, Snooty, Gossip and other Mean Girl Behavior Manual. I guess this is understandable considering that by now, my son has already all but forgotten the incident. His sister, however, is still fuming and plotting revenge.

That playground bully better watch it. My daughter may just decide a repayment-in-kind is called for.

--D